Stuff

I must say, I have been sitting here for a lil while trying to figure out what to type. Iv had alot of things on my mind, from the Tsunami in Samoa/Am. Samoa to the little things like what undies should I wear to Art making and whether or not I feel that I'm in the right frame of mind to be producing art. I guess sometimes it baffles me when I look around and see exhibitions, and look at the work on display and think of it as unpolished not really well executed well, to be honest the word I really want to say is piece of shit, coz in some instances i'd rather see a piece of shit on a plinth compared to what I see on the plinth is the one word i could think of that would summerise the art piece altogether. After taking a break from playing World of Warcraft, im left sitting here mindlessly thinking about how to get my next fix of Warcraft, till im reminded by my lovely Jason that he's cancelled my account, which I hate the thought of not being able to play, but thus it has given me time to think about things, rather sleep more and eat less. No need to eat if im not going to be productive in my thinking and move from my bed to the chair, a whole 3mtrs away. Dont hate me coz its 3mtrs away I say, but love me for making the effort of moving the whole 3mtrs. To think that I have played a game, which has become my second job next to being a loving partner to my beautiful Jason. It has made me feel so disconnected to the reality of being physical in the sense of going outside and playing a game of bball or something that would cause one to sweat and excellerate hearts all for the pure enjoyment of it. I have missed those times, and sometimes I dont. I have on my hands an obsession with a few things.
1. World of Warcraft. The obsession with networking and making myself readily available to raiding in a makebelieve world of Dragons, Enemy's, Horde, Alliance, Battling the defeatble, when i think about it, everything in game is overcome by the networking scheme of making an alliance with a group of people/characters inorder to defeat something, someone, the opposing faction. Basically escaping the reality of real life i assume. Some people i have met, have had the obsession of moving their characters into a more elite form of motivation; gear, transportation, skill, playing endgame instances which only a handful of those could only imagine being able to play.
2. Failure. I have an obsession with failure I guess, sometimes once i have one foot in the door, that it feels as tho im almost unable to accomplish things. Everything seems fine, but seems as tho I self sabotage the possibilties of completing anything, for example, Cleaning a room. to me the room is tidy, to Jason the room is untidy, sometimes i sabotage things by leaving stuff on the chair to give the illusion that it is untidy, then on comes the words of dissappointment. sometimes the feeling of failure is reassuring that maybe someday well to be honest, i dont have a fucking clue sometimes.
3. Tearing stuff. I LOVE dismantling boxes, tearing down the seams, then to tear it in half and in half again, so that ever peice is the same size, and only can get smaller so that it is the size of my fingernail. its feels so comforting i guess, being able to reduce something so big to something yet so small. its like picking at my fingernails, im sorted sitting there picking at the skin around my fingers and biting my lower lip.

hmm and the lil girl is still finding it difficult to think of what to type.

- Mila